my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
where are my eyebrows?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
