I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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