Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
