My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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