i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
