Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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