she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
