I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
