i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
