rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
