I smell stomach acid.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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