I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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