Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
