Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
