it wasn't lemon gatorade
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
