I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
