would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
