kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
