If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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