Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
