"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
