If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
