i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
not ubering you a puppy
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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