Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
