so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
