i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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