I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
