Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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