Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
