Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
