When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
