There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
farters have to be the big spoon...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
