Where did you get a picture of my penis
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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