i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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