Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
