My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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