I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
