He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
