I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
