not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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