i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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