Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
