so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
