I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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