so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
