On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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