You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
