is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
