I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
