Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
there is puke in my bra ... again
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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